


starting to think our luck could change

by EverythingYouSeeIOweToSpaghetti



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Coming of Age, Deaf Clint Barton, Domestic Violence, F/M, M/M, Minor Character Death, Not Canon Compliant, SHIELD, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:13:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24670618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverythingYouSeeIOweToSpaghetti/pseuds/EverythingYouSeeIOweToSpaghetti
Summary: Clint's 8 when they put him in elementary and he only knows how to read print but not cursive and he never learned how to write or how to do math. He doesn't know what the capital of the US is and he's never heard of President Bush. So, Mrs. Keller, the old lady they live with now, gets him a tutor, the neighbors’ daughter, Becca. He thinks she's the most beautiful person he's ever met. That is, until he meets her younger brother, James, or Buck as she calls him, who's rarely ever home and who makes him feel things.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Rebecca Barnes Proctor, James "Bucky" Barnes & Clint Barton, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Rebecca Barnes Proctor/Original Character(s)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 132





	1. you've always shared my deepest thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> First things first, this is the first time I completed and, subsequently, published something I wrote. I'm also not a native English speaker, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes I may have made. Hope you'll enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing it and your thoughts and criticism are highly appreciated.

Clint notices how he’s older than all the other kids in school and Barney says it’s because he's _dumb_ and _retarded_. He's 8 when they put him in elementary and he only knows how to read print but not cursive and he never learned how to write or how to do math. He doesn't know what the capital of the US is and he's never heard of President Bush. So, Mrs. Keller, the old lady they live with now, gets him a tutor, the neighbors’ daughter, Becca.

She only ever wears black clothes and Barney says it's because she'd rather be dead than alive. He doesn't understand because to him Becca looks very much happy to be alive. She does have purple hair, though, and he thinks that it's his new favorite color. She lets him hold her hand, unlike Barney, and she buys him ice cream, unlike Barney, and she isn't mad at him or yells or shoves or hits when he fucks up. He gets cookies every time he does something right and she calls him sweetie. He thinks she's the best person ever. She even lets him pet her white cat, Alpine.

Sometimes she goes away for the weekend but she always comes to say goodbye to him, her beat-up duffel bag, made of gray leather, that Mrs. Keller says is older than herself, in her left hand, hugging him to her right side and he smells the perfume on her soft leather jacket. She ruffles his hair every time, promising she'll be back soon. And she always is. She never lies to him, unlike Barney.

She stays with him throughout elementary and his grades go up and his teacher puts him in a higher grade and he isn't older than the other kids anymore and he likes doing math now, Becca even lets him solve harder problems, that she says are advanced and Becca tells him he’s a bright kid and intelligent and when his hearing worsens she learns ASL, just for him. He picks purple hearing aids because of her hair, even though her hair is black now, _like my soul,_ she says and laughs every time. He doesn't understand, because he thinks her soul must be the brightest of them all, but he giggles all the same.

As he grows older, he notices how boys look at her, how they crane their necks when she walks by, how they whistle after her and shout things like _hey beautiful,_ but he also notices how it makes her uncomfortable, uneasy and he vows to never, ever do that. He still thinks all those boys are right, that she _is_ beautiful, in fact, he thinks she's the most beautiful person he's ever met. That is, until he meets her younger brother, James, or _Buck_ as she calls him, who's rarely ever home and who makes him feel _things_.

Things he doesn't understand and can’t explain or describe. But he’s always exceptionally happy when James is home and sits with them while Becca helps him with his homework. He can't concentrate, though, whenever James sits with them and he gets giddy, and sneaks glances his way and blushes when James looks back at him and grins a lopsided grin. _Don't get all starstruck, sweetie,_ Becca chastises with a smile on her lips when James leaves, _he’s only Buck_.

On the rare occasions he’s home, James always lets him play with him and his friends in their back yard, even though he's almost three years older and Clint doesn't understand why he feels the need to impress James that much more than all the other people. He does it though, he impresses James a whole lot with his throwing skills and one time he even shows him how he can shoot a bow and arrows, hitting every target dead center and James whistles and says _that was beautiful,_ and it doesn't make him uncomfortable and uneasy as it does Becca, instead it sits warm in his stomach and he feels great, basking in James’ attention and admiration.

When he is in high school he finally understands what he feels for James and also how it's supposed to be bad because he's a boy and James is a boy and boys are supposed to feel this way about beautiful girls like Becca. Boys are supposed to tell girls how they're beautiful, but he remembers how it makes Becca feel every time it happens, and he doesn't think that it's right. He also doesn't think that something that feels so right and good like James taking his hands and knocking their shoulders together, hugging him tight every time he leaves and high fiving him after especially beautiful shots he makes can be bad or wrong.

He asks Becca about it, about telling girls they’re beautiful and about boys who like boys and how it's supposed to be bad but how he doesn't want to believe it's bad. And she teaches him about _consent_ and _being gay_ and how it's nothing bad and she says that he shouldn't believe everything they tell him in school. Next time his teacher talks about girls liking girls being bad he thinks about Becca and how boys liking boys isn't wrong and thinks that if boys liking boys isn't wrong neither can girls liking girls be wrong and he tells his teacher and he gets detention and Barney… Barney starts yelling and shoving and calls him names and says things like _are you a faggot now, too,_ and _you should be glad our father is dead, he would have killed you_ , and he _is_ glad, because at least Barney isn't hitting this time and he won't have to lie to Mrs. Keller and Becca about the bruises, the same way Becca always lies about hers. He shuts up about boys in school and around Barney afterwards.

He asks Becca why James doesn't live with her and her father and she explains that he lives with their mother and when he asks why they don't both live with them she smiles a sad smile and says that her parents don't love each other anymore and he says that he thinks his parents never loved each other, but he doesn't know because he doesn't remember that much about them, only how his father always smelled of alcohol and how he hit harder than Barney and the people at Carson’s circus ever did, but he remembers the lady in the hospital saying it after the car crash, how his parents probably never loved each other, and Becca’s smile grows even sadder. She hugs him and kisses the top of his head and they order pizza and watch the news and he now knows who President Clinton is and what the capital of the US is and Becca explains Foreign Affairs and how elections work and shows him Chechnya and Moscow in an atlas and tells him about world religions and he thinks she's the smartest person he knows, and it must be, because she told him how she would leave next summer to go to University. She is the first person he knows that will go to University.

He tells her that he's gonna miss her and she looks real sad now and says she'll miss him, too, that she'll miss him _the most_ and she promises she'll write letters and call him and he believes her, because she never breaks her promises, and she makes him promise to never forget that he's a bright, intelligent kid and she hugs him tight again and he thinks that she might be crying and he feels bad because he doesn't want her to be sad or cry, especially not because of him, because she's his favorite person and he tells her that and she laughs a sad laugh and says _oh sweetie_.

That summer, shortly after Becca leaves for University, her father Mr. Barnes dies, and Mrs. Keller says that he drank himself to death because he couldn't handle being alone and having no one to take his aggressions out on anymore. Clint gets real angry and secretly thinks it's _good_ Mr. Barnes died, because he can't take his aggressions out on Becca anymore and because Becca and James are home for a month now, organizing the funeral and selling the house. But she is awfully sad and he doesn't understand how she can be that sad if her father hit her, he surely doesn't miss _his_ father, but then he thinks that he would still miss Barney and Barney hits him too.

He asks James why Becca didn't stay with him and their mother instead and he shrugs and smiles a sad smile, the same that Becca always smiles. _I don't know, Clint, I never understood,_ he says, _the same reason you stayed with Barton all that time, I assume_.

Whenever he or Becca talk about his brother they’ll always call him Barton, never Barney. He asked Becca about it, once, and she said that he was just a last name kinda person and that she didn't want to know him any closer and call him by his first name. He asked her why she didn't call _him_ Barton and she said because she knew him close, and _you’re Clint, sweetie_.

 _I don't know why I stayed with him,_ Clint says, _I guess I never had somewhere else to go_. James knocks their shoulders together and says that he's 14 now and in three years he can sign up for the Army if he wants to, just like James himself will do the day he finishes high school

_But I'm deaf._

James makes a noncommittal sound and says _we'll figure something out_ and presses a kiss to his cheek, right next to his fucked-up ear and it's itchy because James started growing a beard last summer and James stands up and starts walking away and he stares at his back and can't move and James turns and asks if he’s paralyzed now, too and if he needs help getting up and grins that lopsided grin that always makes him blush and he scrambles to his feet and follows James back to the house he learned about presidents and spelling and advanced mathematics and consent in, the house he first felt happiness in, the house that now has a For Sale sign in the front yard and will never have Becca and James in it again.


	2. looking at you through the glass

The next year he is very lonely, so he studies a lot and persuades Mrs. Keller to sign him up at an archery range and Barney teaches him how to shoot _real weapons,_ as he says. Barney’s of age now and he has a _job_ that he goes to, but he still lives with Mrs. Keller and Clint, because he says he can't leave Clint alone and _we’re a family and family sticks together_ and Clint thinks that Becca is his family, not Barney.

In her first letter, Becca tells him all about University and the people she's met and how she loves learning all these new things and that he would love it, too and that he should never stop studying so he could also go to University, one day. And he's real happy for her and when he answers her he tells her that and how he enjoys learning so much because of her and he knows that when she’ll read it she’ll laugh and say _oh sweety_ , like she always does.

In her second letter she tells him about Tom, another student, and how she really likes him and how he asked her out and how happy she is, and Clint is, too. He's so happy for her, he can't stop grinning that day, and he knows he loves Tom because of how happy he makes Becca, and Barney calls him retarded again for grinning all day, but this time he doesn't care because Becca is happy and no one is taking out aggressions on her anymore.

Becca’s going steady with Tom now, as she calls it, and writes about how he always buys her things and she sends his greetings with every letter. She even sends a picture of them together one time and he likes how happy she is in the picture and keeps it in his wallet right with the picture of her and James and himself that was taken way back when Clint hadn't yet understood what taking out your aggression on someone meant and that Barney doing it on him was something bad. In the picture he has a bruised face and looks at Becca, who stands next to him, and has bruises on her arms, but she laughs, and James stands on his other side and has his arm slung around Clint’s shoulder and is mid-talking, which is why he pulls a weird face. He thinks that Tom looks like a nice man and he tells her that. He also thinks that he isn't nearly beautiful enough for someone like Becca, but he doesn't tell her that.

When she tells him in her next letter that Tom bought her a new bag and made her throw away her old battered gray leather bag that he knows so well and how it made her sad, he starts to like Tom less and less. He still keeps the picture, though. When he sees her again during spring break, when she visits with James for a day, he sees bruises on her arms again and he grows real angry because someone is taking out his aggressions on Becca again and he gets the urge to take out _his_ newfound aggressions on someone, Tom, namely. He asks her if she’s still happy with Tom and in University and she smiles a sad smile and says _oh sweetie_ and, a little too late, _of course_. But James looks at him and Clint knows that he also doesn't believe her and that they both want to put the same bruises on Tom.

He rips the picture in half, that night, and burns the part with Tom's face on it.

He's angry and he doesn't know how to get rid of that anger and he takes up boxing because it helps, at least a little. He can lose himself in the skipping, the pushups, the crunches, in hitting punchbags and his coaches pads and later on his opponents in sparring, taking every one of his coaches comments to heart; changing his posture, keeping his arms by his side, lowering his elbows, keeping his shoulders up and his chin down, squeezing his core, never dropping his guard, never letting his opponents out of sight, not even when evading their punches, standing wider, moving more, faster, more explosive, moving his hip with his punches, breathing with every punch, standing on the balls of his feet, keeping his weight evenly distributed, throwing his punches faster, harder, longer.

He immerses himself in training, he grows better and better, until he’s best in his club and Barney doesn't dare lay a hand on him anymore and his coach wants him to participate in real fights but there's only one person Clint wants to throw his punches at and that's not some fellow boxer, it's Tom.

Clint lands his first job, at the archery range, he’s teaching the youngest kids, because none of the other guys actually want to teach them, _it takes too much patience_ , they say, and _the parents are a pain in the ass._ Clint doesn’t mind, though, he thinks the kids are cute enough and he gets to spend more time at the range. He only works a few hours a week and the pay’s shit, but it’s his first job, nonetheless.

When Becca visits again in summer she wears flowing summer dresses in happy colors like yellow and light pink, dresses with floral patterns, and a cardigan and she wears her hair natural now, it's dark brown, the same color as James’ hair and she says _oh sweetie_ and _look at you all grown up_ and it's true, he’s taller than her now, and she hugs him and he bows his head so she can press a kiss on top of it and besides how happy the colors of her dress are, she looks sad now and he thinks that maybe black is her happy color, because she was much happier when she was only ever wearing black clothes and leather jackets. He tells her and she smiles that sad smile and says that Tom doesn't like black and that he thinks she looks better in bright colors and Clint grows angry again and says that she looks stunning in both but happier in black and he swears he sees tears in her eyes and he feels guilty because she’s sad and he doesn't want to make her sad. So he tells her and apologizes and Becca laughs her sad laugh and says _oh sweetie_ again, and _it's not you_ and _you_ _only ever make me happy,_ and she hugs him tight again and this time he kisses the top of her head.


	3. still halfway to nowhere

Barney starts pressuring Clint to _do tours with the gang_ , tries appealing to his ego, telling him how they could need such a strong guy, one that never misses, one that’s good at math and a genius. And Clint thinks _damn right_ , because he is all those things but he still doesn’t want to _do tours with the gang_ , especially not after he meets the gang and learns that Barney hangs around the guys from Carson’s circus again, the same guys that hit him as a kid when he didn’t learn fast enough. He knows that they are involved in a whole lot of illegal stuff, knew it even back when he was still six years old and malnourished and illiterate and deaf on one ear.

They all can’t believe that he’s really Clint, he’s taller than all of them now, broader, too. He tells Barney that he’s not interested and Barney calls him names again, _pussy,_ and _faggot,_ and _lame_ , and says that he’s Clint’s only family and _family sticks together_ and accuses Clint of having no sense for family, but Clint thinks about Becca, how he considers her his only family and he just shrugs and leaves Barney to it.

Barney moves out shortly afterwards and talks about going to court and getting custody of Clint, even though it’s only two years until Clint turns 18 and Clint says that he actually likes living with Mrs. Keller and that she’s getting old and that someone has to look after her. Barney tries to bribe him by giving him a mobile phone, those are new and pretty hard to get a hold of, and even though he knows it’s probably stolen he accepts it, because it makes talking to Becca and James just that much easier. He still doesn’t go live with Barney; he knows he only wants custody of him so he can _make him_ go on tours with the gang.

He agrees to playing a minor role in one of their planned robberies, though, he’s not sure why he does it, maybe he still feels he owes something to Barney, and he feels uneasy all the way up to it, but when the day arrives, he’s calm.

They make him stand guard and he thinks that he can do that. He doesn't have to commit the actual crime and he sees better than all of them, even in the dark. He learns fast, learns to assess if someone's a threat to Barneys heists, learns to disappear in the shadows and even in broad daylight, learns how to spot cops, but he still can't shake the feeling that he's being watched.

He doesn't know why he keeps standing guard for Barney, he thinks maybe he likes the adrenaline, how his mind is perfectly calm, observing and assessing, calculating his next move, how he only ever crashes down from the adrenaline high afterwards and how the guilt isn't nearly as bad as he thought it would be, given Barney and the gang only rob rich people and big stores that can survive to losses, at least whenever Clint is involved.

He makes it abundantly clear that he doesn't want to be involved in the actual robbing or in anything violent, that he won't ever harm anyone and they all call him a coward but again he just shrugs and leaves them to it.

James comes around every other weekend now, his graduation is just around the corner and he says he wants to spend as much time with Clint as possible before joining the Army which makes Clint giddy again. James is nervous about signing up, Clint can feel it, and it makes him nervous, too, and he worries about him getting hurt whenever he leaves. He's extremely happy, though, when James is around, and he teaches him the basics of boxing, the fighters’ stance, how to throw a jab as opposed to a hook or an uppercut. He's taller than James now, too and James always grins up at him through his fists and says things like _one day I’ll best you, just you wait_ and Clint laughs and says _sure_ and evades James punches with ease and watches how James scans his every move, a look of utter concentration his face, and mirrors them.

He's a fast learner and Clint finds it hard to concentrate with how much he wants to kiss James but also punch him in the face for wanting to kiss him so bad. He really likes how James’ hair falls in his face, wet from the sweat, how James pushes it out of his face, frustrated, and James says that he'll have to cut it for the Army and how he doesn't know if he’ll like it that short and Clint answers without thinking and says that he’d probably look stunning with short hair, too, that he always does and he thinks James blushes but he can't really tell because his face is red from exertion, anyway.

They sit and talk about Becca and Tom and make plans, plans that always seem to result in Toms’ death, knowing that they'll never follow up on them, but it feels good, satisfying even, talking about it. Clint tells him about standing guard for Barney and James growls and calls Barney a manipulative asshole and makes Clint promise to be cautious and stay safe and to stop doing it, eventually, because _I deeply care about you, Clint_ and Clint doesn't know how to react and tenses until James takes his hand and knocks their shoulders together the way he did when they were kids and Clint relaxes. They sit like that a long time, holding hands, straining to talk about anything else than their joint hands.

The day comes and Clint watches James’ graduation with Becca, who looks even sadder in her happy summer dresses than last year and wears a cast on her left hand that she says is because of her own clumsiness but Clint knows she lies, because unlike him, Becca isn't clumsy, not in the slightest and he wishes death upon Tom again. He whistles real loud when James walks the stage and receives his diploma. He is sad, too, because he knows James will leave any day now and not come back for a long time and won't even be able to call, but that sadness dissipates when James comes to sit next to him and throws his arm around his shoulder like in the picture in his wallet and it's Becca, James and Clint against the world again. He can almost forget about the cast on Becca’s hand, too, just… he can't.

When the day comes to an end and it's time to leave he hugs James real tight and says that when they next see each other he’ll have grown a proper beard, too and James laughs and says _no way_ and asks him if he’s seen Barton’s sad excuse of a beard and Clint says _fair enough_ and James takes his face in his hands and says that he likes him better clean shaven, anyway and Clint can't help but stare down at him with big eyes and it hits him again how in love he is with James and then James looks around for people and when he doesn't see any he kisses him on the mouth.

He watches James go and waves when he turns to look back and he feels so lonely again, the way he did after Becca left for University, but he also worries about James in the Army, being gay and all, there are stories on the news here and there, after all and he doesn't want anything happening to him. He thinks that today he must have felt all the emotions there are in the world.


	4. all I've got's what you didn't take

Barney starts calling him Hawkeye because he always sees all the threats to his tours and warns him about them and the name seems to stick. The name also seems to circulate in all the wrong circles because suddenly Barney comes to him with job requests from other people, other gangs, and it seems he reaches near legendary status because no one actually _knows_ who Hawkeye is, only that he’s able to spot and evade the cops every time and they seem to think of him as a lucky charm. He never accepts those requests from other people, though. He only trusts Barney as far as he can throw him, and that's not very far, so why would he trust any other criminal? He still can’t shake the feeling that he's being watched during Barneys tours.

He receives a call from James and he's glad basic training is over and he can talk to him again and James whispers that he can't wait to see him again and Clint tells him he misses him, too and can't stop grinning like a fool all day. A few days later there's a stack of letters in the mail and they're all from James and in them he tells him all about training and how he met some scrawny kid named Steve during reception, who he’d have wanted to be his Battle Buddy, because he was nice enough, but then Steve failed the physical assessment and had to stay behind for FTC and now his buddy is a guy that he can’t stand and how his boots are so uncomfortable, he thinks his feet will fall off if he has to wear them one more time and how he’s the best marksman in his company and how they have to establish if Clint or James is the better marksman when he's home again and how he has taken up smoking because there's nothing else to do, even though he knows it's dumb. There is a picture in one of the letters and Clint doesn't even bother putting it in his wallet with the other pictures because he knows he won't stop looking at it for at least two days straight, because James does, indeed, look stunning with short hair and fatigues and there's a cigarette in his hand and he gesticulates with it and he’s laughing and has his head thrown back and his neck exposed and it has Clint all hot and bothered and thinking about the kiss at James’ graduation.

Mrs. Keller’s hearing worsens and she gets hearing aids and he teaches her some sign language and they talk a lot about how it was, back in the day and about things Clint remembers from Carson’s circus and the foster home that came before the circus and how Clint doesn't care all that much that his parents died, especially his father, and how he sometimes feels guilty about it but then Mrs. Keller says that he shouldn't and she tells him about Mr. Keller, who was 15 years older than her and of German descent and how she doesn't mind that he died because he was a horrible person and she says that Clint is a good man and that he will make something out of his life, unlike his brother.

James gets to spend a week off-post and Clint stays over at Mrs. Barnes house the whole time. Even Becca is around, and they eat strawberry ice cream every day. He’s happy he gets to see them again but he also knows James is only allowed to stay at home because he’ll be deployed in Iraq afterwards and he doesn’t even want to look too closely at the feelings that arouses. James refuses to let go of Clint’s hand and has his arm slung around Clint’s shoulder more often than not, even though he’s nearly a head shorter than Clint and Becca says they look stupid and asks if they aren’t uncomfortable, that way, but Clint doesn’t mind. Whenever James thinks no one is watching he kisses Clint and he tastes of cigarettes and strawberry ice cream and makes Clint forget his own name.

He gets dragged out by James in the middle of the night to _have a smoke_ and it’s then that James tells him he doesn’t want to be sent overseas and that he’s scared, that he just wants to take Clint and Becca and run away, anywhere, as long as it’s with them and Clint shares that sentiment, because that way he could keep them both safe. They sit huddled together in the middle of the road, Clint’s arm around James’ shoulder this time and he holds James close and watches his face in the soft light of the streetlamp while James tells him about all of his fears. James tells him the only reason he can leave is because he knows Clint will take care of Becca and he says that there are so many guys in his company that he’d describe as bad men and he’s scared that the Army and the war might turn him into one of those, too. Clint takes James face in his hands and tells him that nobody can turn James into a bad man and that he’s the second best person ever, and James laughs and asks _who’s the best person ever, then_ and Clint says that it’s Becca and James says _fair enough_ and they kiss.

It starts to rain, but they stay outside because James says _now we’re wet already, so why bother_ and he puts his hand over Clint’s heart and whispers _I love you_ and Clint is 8 years old again and sees a dripping wet James walk through Becca’s front door and kneel down to pet Alpine, whispering _I love you_ to the cat and look up at him and grin that lopsided grin at him for the first time. Clint is 8 years old again and feels _things_ for the first time. He can only stare at James, he’s frozen, and he hopes he’ll unfreeze, hopes it’s sooner rather than later, because he has to tell James, has to tell him….

It’s too late, James is already turning away and getting up and Clint doesn’t know if his face is wet because of the rain or because he started crying. James spins in the rain and shouts _I love you, Clint Barton, and nothing will change that_ and Clint can finally move again and tackles James to the ground and shuts him up with a kiss and James laughs and starts rambling about how he’ll marry Clint, how he’ll take him to the Netherlands and marry him. Clint’s exhilarated and starts laughing, too and says that he’ll marry James anywhere and James screams _yes_ and punches his fist in the air and says that he just won the husband lottery and Clint can’t stop laughing and can’t believe his luck because he thinks it’s actually the other way round, _he_ just won the fucking _husband lottery_ and James says _I’ll get you a ring, I promise_ and Clint thinks he’s the happiest person there is.

Once they’re back inside, dried off and in bed, Clint whispers _James, are you still awake?_ and James opens one eye and Clint says that he hopes James knows that he loves him, too and James closes his eyes again and smiles and says _I know_ and Clint falls back into bed next to him and smiles and says _good_.

Becca steals Clint’s black shirts the second day and laughs when he grumbles and tugs at the shirts James gave him to wear that are about three sizes too small, but he doesn’t mind, because he’s so glad to see her in her happy color again, laughing. He’s pretty sure James intentionally chose the smallest shirts he owns, judging from the way he smirks whenever Clint complains about them and secretly Clint likes James ogling him _like that_. Clint tells her to keep the shirts, but she says she can’t and puts them back into his bag when the week’s over.

He refrains from washing the shirts for a whole two weeks because they smell of her perfume, she still wears the same one she did all those years back, and he doesn’t feel so lonely back at Mrs. Keller’s house again. Life goes back to normal, it’s Clint’s last year in high school, he’s studying a lot and he works at the range and shoots whenever he’s got free time on his hands, he’s still boxing, still refusing to participate in fights, despite his coaches pleas, still standing guard for Barney and the gang, still teaching Mrs. Keller sign language and sometimes they even have complete conversations just signing at each other.

Becca calls and tells him how Tom’s proposed and how he’s talking about having kids and how he wants her to pause her studies so they can concentrate on their _family_ and Clint thinks that James and him, they’re Becca’s family, not Tom. He asks her what she’ll do and she says she’ll probably drop out, so she can concentrate on the wedding plans and she sounds so sad he starts crying when she hangs up and he spends the rest of the day thinking that Becca would _never_ give up her studies, how she loves learning too much and that something just isn’t _right_ , that something is off. He can’t concentrate on anything, so he calls her back the next day.

 _Oh, sweety,_ she says, _I want a family of my own,_ but he knows she doesn’t add _with someone who loves me_ , because she told him that many times, when they were younger: _I want a family of my own with someone who loves me the way I love him._ Something’s still off about her, he just can’t put his finger on it. She tells him not to worry and to wait for her next call, says it’ll be important and that it’ll be soon. He thinks that now she’s _definitely_ acting weird and then she asks if he’s got his driver’s license and a car and he answers that she _knows_ he does, that he came to Mrs. Barnes house with Mrs. Keller’s car that she can’t drive anymore due to her old age just a month ago and Becca sounds distracted as she says, _right, right sweety, you’re right_ and then she tells him she has to go and hangs up again.

Becca stays on his mind even when there’s the first letter from Bucky in the mail. He tells him that even though there hasn’t been any actual fighting for their company yet it’s hell and how he’s gotten a letter from some random child that told him that it wants to be just like him and be a soldier when it grows up and how he nearly had a breakdown because of it, how it reminded him so much of himself that age and how he’d like nothing more than to tell that kid to not do it, how he thinks he should have studied harder and applied for College, like his sister had, or even just graduated and started working construction. It’s signed _love, James_ and Clint’s glad James is still safe and not involved in combat yet.

He calls Becca a few times, but she’s still acting weird and telling him to wait for her call, _soon,_ and it drives him up the walls. He loses sleep over his worry for Becca and James and brooding over Becca’s cryptic remarks.

He gets another letter from James, it’s a short one and it’s crumpled, and Clint thinks that James was probably crying while writing it, there are some words that are so smudged he can only guess what they mean. James says he did his first real tour and that war’s hell and that mankind is vile and that he wants to burn out his eyes with acid because of the awful things he’s seen. Clint can’t imagine, only maybe he can, because Mrs. Keller watches German news media and they show horrible things about Iraq there, no glorification of the war, like the local ones, and after watching those he’s always horrified, and he thinks that if he witnessed those things for real, if he did those things himself, he’d probably want to burn out his eyes, too. The letter isn’t signed and when Clint’s in his boxing gym that night he breaks his opponent’s nose in sparring.


	5. fine line between this and that

Barney’s got another robbery planned that weekend, a small one, and he says it’s the last time he’ll ask Clint for help, as he always does, and Clint says that it’s the last time he’ll help him, as he always does. Clint is mid-preparations when Becca calls and she’s crying and she says _sweety, I need you to do something for me_ and Clint answers _anything_ and she says that she needs him to come get her and that he needs to do it _right now_ , because she broke up with Tom and she’s scared and there’s so much panic in her voice that he doesn’t even bother getting a jacket or telling Mrs. Keller, he just bolts out the door and starts the three-hour drive, exceeding every speed limit there is on the way.

He’s still too late. He gets a call from the hospital when he’s ten minutes from her home. Apparently, he’s listed as her emergency contact and they tell her she’s in the ER with several broken bones, lacerations and hematomas and a suspected cerebral edema. He panics for a second, but after that he’s oddly calm.

After checking in with the hospital staff and being told that it seems she fell victim to a domestic violence offence, he notices the officer that’s been posted in the waiting room with him, which makes him think that Tom fled the scene before the police arrived and hasn’t yet been found. The officer asks him how he knows Becca and about Becca’s fiancé and if he knows anything about his whereabouts, which confirms his suspicion, and Clint tells him that Tom’s been violent towards Becca in the past, but that he doesn’t even know where he lives.

He asks the officer about it but he says he can’t disclose any details concerning the case, so he asks him if he’s got a cigarette and the officer hands him one and Clint says _thanks, man, appreciate it_ and he walks out into the parking lot and he knows what he has to do and he feels calm and detached from his own body and he calls Barney and Barney bitches about Clint not making the tour tonight and Clint just sighs and asks him if he can find a person with just a name and a telephone number and Barney asks him what that’s all about, suddenly, and he tells him that he has to make sure nobody ever lays a hand on Becca, ever again and Barney is silent for a few seconds and asks if he needs anything, help, weapons, men and Clint says no, that he just needs to know where the fucker is at and Barney tells him he’ll call as soon as he knows. Clint has the feeling he’s being watched, again, and sees the officer standing in the window of the waiting room, so he lights the cigarette and puffs it and waves at the officer, who turns away, but Clint still can’t shake the feeling.

Clint’s exhausted and raging and he feels so _guilty_ , for not keeping Becca safe, for not being there when it mattered and when Mrs. Barnes finally arrives he’s on his fifth coffee and shaking and she clings to him while they wait. After two hours of waiting the doctor finally gives the all-clear and says that Becca’s stable and likely to wake up within the next four hours and that a nurse will come and go over Becca’s injuries with them soon.

Barney calls back before Becca wakes and gives him the name of a motel a town over. Clint decides he wants to get this over with as soon as possible, even if it means missing Becca waking, so he leaves and he shortly wonders how things got that way, when he himself ended up here and he’s scared of himself, but just for a second because when he knocks down the door to Tom’s room, he sees that the piece of shit still has her blood on his knuckles and all the pent-up rage of the past few years culminates in his first punch, and he knows then that he ended up here when he first saw Becca with bruises on her arms all the way back during her first spring break. He doesn’t hold back, doesn’t pull his punches, he finally has the one fight he took up boxing for, even though what he does to Tom doesn’t have much to do with boxing anymore.

He’s back not even an hour later with only a split lip and bruised knuckles and when he sees Becca in the hospital bed, awake but not really, he thinks that he did the right thing, that it was long overdue, and even when the officers take him in he doesn’t regret what he did.

He sits in the holding cell and observes the officers and he knows he faces charges of assault and battery. He thinks he’ll probably receive a reduced sentence for being a minor and for what Tom did to Becca, but he’ll still be prosecuted and most likely convicted and then he’ll lose his job at the range, because they don’t let convicted felons work with children and Mrs. Keller will take back what she said about Clint being a good person and making something out of his life. But he doesn’t care, he still thinks it was the right thing to do.

A man in an expensive suit enters the cell, smiling a tiny fake smile, he’s very nondescript but Clint’s got the impression he’s seen him before, yet he can’t place him. _I’m your lawyer,_ the man says in a soft voice, and Clint starts to laugh. _I didn’t even request an attorney yet and you’re no lawyer, man._ Clint knows his way around this procedure pretty well, he’s done a lot of research prior to agreeing to Barney’s tours, just in case he might get arrested during one. The man doesn’t show surprise, or any emotion for that matter, he just keeps smiling that tiny fake smile and it’s unnerving and puts Clint on edge.

 _Very well, I’m not your lawyer_ , the man says and sits, and Clint waits for the man to elaborate, but he doesn’t. He asks him why he’s here, then, who he is, but the man just smiles his tiny fake smile and remains silent. Clint grows nervous and studies the man’s face for any change in expression, but there’s none, just the smile, and Clint tells him that if he’s just here to creep him out he’s doing a damn good job and Clint finally sees the man’s tell, it’s his smile that widens slightly, just barely, and the man finally answers and introduces himself as Phil and says that he’s here to help Clint and that he’s got a proposition, a deal, so to speak, and Clint thinks that he won’t fall for the buddy act _Phil_ is putting on.

 _Look, Phil,_ he says and goes on to tell him that he knows he’s neither a lawyer nor law enforcement and that he doubts Phil’s even legally allowed to offer him a deal and watches Phil’s smile widen slightly, again. Phil says that, as a matter of fact, he _is_ allowed to offer him a deal and Clint scoffs.

Phil says that he’s with the government and Clint starts laughing again and says _don’t get me wrong, but why the fuck would the government be interested in me?_ Phil smiles his tiny fake smile and says that he works for a government-controlled intelligence service and that they’ve been watching him and want to recruit him and Clint can’t help but laugh again, _you’re fucking with me, right,_ he asks and Phil smiles his tiny fake smile and says no and tells him that they can make sure there’ll be no charges and no record whatsoever will exist of Clint ever breaking the law.

Clint asks what they would get of him in exchange and this time Phil’s smile really widens before he answers. _We’ll sign you up and train you to be an operative,_ he says and Clint still thinks that Phil is fucking with him and he tells Phil and Phil says _as I’ve already said, we’ve been watching you and we think, properly trained, someone with your skillset could be an asset_ and Clint says _thanks, but no thanks_ and Phil’s smile gets even faker when he says that right now his brother and his accomplices sit in similar holding cells because they’ve been arrested during a robbery and that Clint _might_ want to reconsider his answer, seeing as it’ll likely be more charges that Clint will face after today.

He’s dumbfounded for a moment and thinks that only his brother could be stupid enough to go through with a tour a man short, but then he thinks that Barney might be a lot, stupid, a bully, a criminal, but there’s one thing he isn’t – and that’s a snitch. He denied that their father ever hit them in front of everyone, even after their father’s death and Clint starts grinning and says that his brother won’t talk, but then Phil pulls out an envelope with pictures that very clearly show Clint involved with the gang during robberies and Clint suddenly knows why he felt being watched all the time.

 _So, let me get this straight_ , he says, _you want to make all breaking and entering and assault charges disappear, so I can what? Go on to do government sanctioned breaking and entering and assault?_ Phil keeps smiling and nods. _And if I don’t sign up, you’ll make sure I get convicted or something?_ Phil smiles and clears his throat and says _or something_ and that they can not only make _his_ life harder but also the lives of the people he cares about and Clint thinks of James in the army, being gay, and pales.

 _Alright,_ he says _, but there’s something I want,_ and Phil arches an eyebrow and Clint thinks that that’s the first facial expression he sees him make, _make sure that Tom won’t ever be able to touch or even contact or see Becca, ever again,_ and Phil says they can do that and if he wants anything else and Clint thinks about Barney and his screwed-up idea of family and how even though he hit him himself and called him names he also always stepped in front of him when their father was going at it and took the worst of it and says that, actually, yes, he wants something more, says he wants the charges his brother faces to be dropped, but not those of the rest of the gang and Phil says he’ll see what he can do and then he pulls out a pen and a stack of papers, _your contract_ , he says, _read it thoroughly,_ and leaves the room.

 _S.H.I.E.L.D.,_ the top of the paper says, and underneath, in smaller letters, _Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division_ and Clint thinks that that’s some fancy-ass sounding name and starts reading.


	6. the devil's deal, it comes around

Life resumes, he still has to finish high school, after all, but he has to take theoretical and practical _spy classes_ already. He thinks of them as extracurriculars and that makes them easier to endure. He’s legally not allowed to talk about any of them, logically, and he thinks that part of why he’s not allowed to is because they’re doing something shady, contracting a minor.

Becca is slowly healing, she stays with her mother for the time being, and says she’s a little scared because Tom hasn’t been apprehended but a few days later police find him dead, ruling it a suicide and for a few short seconds Clint feels guilty but then he sees the tears of joy in Becca’s eyes and he thinks even though he’s responsible for Tom’s death it was the one good thing to come out of that whole mess. He tries not to think too hard about how as an operative he’ll probably have to kill people and make it seem like a suicide, too.

Barney can’t stop talking about how lucky he got, how he wasn’t charged even though he was arrested mid-robbery and even confessed to being a lookout. He’s already looking for a new gang and planning new tours, so Clint isn’t so sure if it was a good thing making them drop the charges against his brother.

His practical _spy classes_ include a lot of hand-to-hand combat and shooting, they tell him to forget boxing and teach him fancy things like Krav Maga instead, which at first feels wrong, because he has to leave his boxer’s stance, but then he thinks it’s not that different, after all. He thinks maybe, just maybe, Phil, whom all the other people at the training facilities call _Agent Coulson_ , likes him, because he complains about the guns he has to shoot and says he wants a bow and arrows and at first Phil says no, says that they don’t use that kind of weapons, but a month later there is a bow and a set of arrows at the range, that Phil says is _just for fun_ , because he will be using standard-issued guns as an operative, _we can’t allow our operatives to leave a trace they could be recognized by,_ and Clint gets it, he does, but he still secretly thinks _to hell with that_ and that he’ll be using his bow.

There’s theoretical classes, too, and he actually thinks they’re interesting, and he’s not that bad at them, there’s a class that only consist of coming up with solutions to problems in less than five seconds and somehow he manages to surprise the lecturer every time. They also make him learn more than the basic German he picked up living with Mrs. Keller and watching old German movies with her, _the only good thing my husband left behind_ , as she always said. They teach him about surveillance and counter-surveillance, about political developments and even table manners around the world, also basic engineering and sewing, for some reason.

He always thinks that now he knows everything, there’s nothing more he can be taught but then there is, another possible solution, another way to incapacitate, to kill someone, another country to study and analyze and he feels stuck and captured and then he thinks that that’s because he _is,_ he _is_ stuck here for forever, they _own_ him, practically and he grows angry and tired and thinks that he can’t do it.

When Becca is all healed up he takes her shopping, she needs a new wardrobe, and he thinks it’s all worth it and that he can take whatever is coming when he sees her pick black clothes, exclusively, and how happy she seems to be whenever she asks his opinion after coming out of the fitting room and he tells her that she looks stunning. He buys her a leather jacket that reminds him of the one she used to wear when she isn’t looking and when he gives it to her and she runs her hands over the soft leather and nearly starts crying and hugs him again, real tight, and he kisses the top of her head, he thinks that for her happiness and James’ safety he can take anything.

He graduates, eventually, and Becca’s there, and Mrs. Keller and it’s a nice day and there’s a letter of James in the mail, who’s wishing him a happy belated 18th birthday and tells him that scrawny Steve from reception is currently posted with him, only he isn’t scrawny anymore, he’s got Clint’s physique now and for a short moment Clint wonders if he has to be jealous, but then James goes on to write that Steve’s hitting it off with some soldier of the British Army, who he says is the most badass woman he’s ever met.

With his graduation over he starts working at S.H.I.E.L.D. for real, he still has his classes, but they put him in counterterrorism and he joins a team that’s keeping an eye on far-right groups with Nazi-ideology around the globe. The desk job he gets there is part of his training and he’s assigned the surveillance of groups in Germany and its neighboring countries and he learns about data procession and political parties in Europe and how the European Union works.

He’s actually glad to be on that specific team, because even though he’s surprised by the fact that there are _so many_ people who still support Nazi-ideology all around the world, at least he’s not on any of the bigger teams, those working on the Middle East for example, and he thinks that he’s relatively safe and he hopes against all odds that he’ll just keep doing his desk job, even when he’s through with his training, but he knows that Phil wants him working _in the field_.

Mrs. Keller dies of a heart attack while he’s at work and he finds her when he gets home at night and Clint thinks he will die, too, because so many bad things keep happening in his life. He cries when the first responders get there and he’s still crying when Becca comes over, Mrs. Keller was the only person close to a parent he had ever had, after all. She stays with him until the opening of Mrs. Keller’s will, who left him quite an amount of money that he doesn’t really want. Her niece gets the house, so he’s left without a home and he first stays with Barney for a few days, because he doesn’t want to accept Phil’s offer of getting a room in the facility’s dormitory, he knows it would mean giving even more autonomy and power away. He’s pretty sure that they could monitor him anywhere if they wanted to, but still.

Becca helps him find a tiny studio apartment that Clint’s convinced has not only mold in it, about the mold he’s actually sure, he sees it on the bathroom walls every day, but also mice, except he never sees them. He’s got a mattress and a chair and a table and his clothes still sit in boxes, but he’s got his own apartment nevertheless and now that he’s learned how to do it, he sweeps it every night after work to make sure it’s not wired.

He grows uneasy because months pass with no letters or calls from James, no one knows anything about him, but he and Becca keep telling each other back and forth that no news must mean good news, even though they both don’t believe it. The news comes while he’s at work, and because they aren’t allowed to have personal phones on them at the facilities, he only sees that he has close to a million missed calls from Becca at night, and he panics and his chest is too tight and he can’t breathe and his body feels so weak he’s sure he’ll fall over and when he calls back she picks up and she’s crying again and he immediately _knows_ and his throat is too tight and he can’t cry, he’s choking on his sorrow and despair.

She says that he was encircled behind enemy lines with his platoon and when they carried out the extraction mission a bomb went off and they only found his arm and that he’s presumed KIA and now Clint thinks he’ll die for sure, thinks there’s no way he could ever wake up again tomorrow, in fact he thinks he already died back when James left for Iraq and he’s only a hollow shell walking around wearing his face, but everything that was inside, everything that was _Clint_ , left with James and now Clint’s gone forever, too.

Now he wishes he were on one of the teams working on Iraq, he thinks he wouldn’t even mind killing anymore, wouldn’t mind _anything_. But when he drags himself to work the next day and asks Phil for a transfer, he gets an awfully apologetic expression and Phil says that he doesn’t think that would be a smart decision, given the circumstances and Clint thinks that, _given the circumstances_ , this was the one situation in which Phil should have kept his expressionless fake smile and not shown emotion on his face.

When the time comes for his first mission he still hasn’t cried, his throat and chest are still too tight to properly breathe and whenever he wants to cry, he chokes on his tears but they still won’t come out. He doesn’t quite understand how he’s still alive, how he hasn’t yet suffocated.

His first mission goes as planned, he does his work well, he thinks it isn’t that different from Barney’s heists, only they retrieve information now, not goods, and his mind doesn’t go all calm like with his brother’s tours, because his mind is empty anyway, but too loud at the same time, he feels like a broken TV that can’t be turned off anymore, but is only broadcasting white noise.

The static stays in his head, during missions, during training, at night when he’s trying to sleep, and he isn’t really aware of his life happening all around him. Only when he’s with Becca does the noise dampen a little and bits and pieces of his life get through to him again, enough to piece together that he is in fact still alive and somehow functioning.


	7. starting to think our luck could change

His next operation takes him and his team overseas to stop a German Neo-Nazi terrorist cell and it takes them on a wild chase that starts in a village in the Austrian mountains and finally comes to an end in Lithuania, near the Russian border. Clint takes out his first person, one of the terrorists is coming at him with a rifle, shooting at him, but missing, and for a short moment he’s got something other than the static in his mind again and his teammates congratulate him on the shot and on staying calm and calculated and he thinks that he was only able to do that, to kill another person, because right now he doesn’t care if he himself lives or dies.

They get home in the middle of the night and Clint’s so tired he thinks he might just manage to fall asleep tonight, so he doesn’t even change out of his tac gear and when he walks out the facility he checks his phone and he sees that over the course of the last week Becca tried reaching him every few minutes and there’s no white noise in his mind anymore and he panics again, and wants the static to come back. He doesn’t bother listening to the voicemails she’s left, instead he calls her and while he’s waiting for her to pick up he thinks he can’t take any more bad news, can’t stomach whatever it is she tried to call him about and secretly hopes she doesn’t answer the call so he doesn’t have to hear it just yet.

But she does, _oh sweety_ , she says, and _they found him,_ and he just hopes he’ll die on the spot, because he can’t hear about James’ mutilated corpse. _He’s alive,_ she says and he thinks now his brain must have stopped working altogether because she couldn’t just have said what he thinks he’s heard her say and she repeats it and he can’t process it, he _knows_ what she says can’t be true, people don’t just get blown to pieces and then turn up alive again.

 _Sweety,_ she says, _Clint, sweety, do you hear me?_ She’s crying now, _he’s alive, Clint,_ she’s sobbing real hard, _he’s alive and he’s stateside again, sweety, say something, Clint, are you there?_

He can’t move, he doesn’t trust his voice, so he whispers, _where, Becca, where is he?_ When she tells him the name of the hospital he’s already in his car, driving off and he hears her say something about visiting hours but he doesn’t listen, doesn’t care, thinks nothing can stop him from seeing James right this very moment. The whole way to the hospital his mind is racing, it’s as if all the thoughts that were lost in the past suddenly came back to him all at once.

He finds James’ room number in one of the many text messages Becca sent him, begging him to come, to call, to at least _please_ answer, and he’s glad, because this way he can just sneak in and doesn’t have to resort to barging through the front door and threaten the nurse on duty to give the number away and undoubtedly have the cops called on him afterwards.

The moment he bursts into James’ room he thinks he should have maybe knocked first, but then he sees James awake, sitting in a chair by the window, staring at him with big eyes and open mouth, his face pale and gaunt in the silver moonlight shining through the window, his hair long again, and straggly, and Clint doesn’t understand how something that’s missing can be so prominent, but here James is, right arm wrapped around his thin body, holding his left side, where an arm should be, but there’s only an empty shirtsleeve.

 _Clint,_ he says and his voice breaks mid-word, and then, _now I’m not only short but also short an arm,_ and the joke is so bad and that’s when the tears finally come and spill over, he’s sobbing now, ugly crying, he’s choking on his own spit, he falls to his knees and he’s so relieved, and when James comes to stand in front of him he wraps his arms around his middle and buries his face in his shirt and James is patting his head and Clint thinks that it should be the other way round, he should be comforting James after what he’s been through, but he can’t stop crying.

James clears his throat and says _I bought you a ring_ and Clint looks up at him, sees that he’s crying, too, while smiling down at him, _but I lost it_ , and now Clint has to laugh, a strangled sound comes out and James pulls something out the pocket of his sweatpants, it’s tinkling softly, _I can give you these, until I buy you another one_ , and Clint can only keep staring at James face, smiling, until his hopeful expression falters and when he talks again he sounds unsure, _if you still want to marry me, that is?_

Clint can only nod weakly, and he sees the smile return to James face and then Clint gets up and cups James’ face and whispers _yes,_ and _I love you_ , and kisses him, and when he pulls away again, James puts something in his hand. Clint looks down and sees the shiny metal of James’ dog tags and kisses him again, closing his hand around them firmly until they painfully carve into his palm.

He holds James the remainder of the night, listening as James relives the war and all its atrocities, as he tells him how he lost his arm, how he saw it lying in the sand and how there was blood everywhere, how he was so confused, because losing so much blood would’ve meant he was dying, but he wasn’t, how he was taken hostage by militant Iraqi women and how his wounds were treated and how he never believed in this war and how now he does it even less, how he doesn’t believe that Iraqis are all terrorists, how they treated him well, kept him informed, how at first he was angry at them for keeping him hostage, but how he later learned they only did it because they needed him as ransom for their sons who were being kept in Abu-Ghuraib and how the commanding officers never agreed to this exchange, how they would’ve left him to die and how it took Steve from reception and some others who were willing to disregard the chain of command and risk being dishonorably discharged to kidnap the men from Abu-Ghuraib and come exchange them for him and how there are probably so many mothers still waiting to see their sons again and how most of them probably never will, because they don’t have an American soldier as ransom to save their sons from the horrors that’s Abu Ghuraib and Clint is horrified and secretly wishes James would stop talking, but he owes it to him to share those relived memories.

James listens closely as Clint tells him in a whisper how he’s an operative with a governmental intelligence service now, and James says _so that’s what’s with your outfit,_ how he was practically blackmailed into doing it, how he’s responsible for Tom’s death, and James kisses him upon hearing that, how he has a debrief about the last mission and the man he’s killed pending in just a few hours, how he doesn’t know how to feel about killing that man, how he feels stuck there and how he doesn’t know how to get out of the contract and James says _remember, when I talked about leaving, about running away before I left?_ Clint nods, he does, and he still thinks he’d love to do that, love to disappear with James and thinks that maybe, just maybe, they could outrun their pasts.

 _What if we did?_ Clint’s mind is running, his thoughts faster than he can perceive them, _what if we just up and left?_ Outrunning the government, the Military, outrunning _Phil,_ he thinks, it’s so crazy it might just work. _What about Becca?_

James grins and says that she’s a big girl now and can take care of herself, that she’ll get it, and besides, _you made sure that she’s safe now, there’s no Tom anymore,_ and a plan starts to slowly take shape in his head. _It’d take time, a lot of preparation,_ he says and James answers that he has a lot of time on his hands, _on my hand, actually_ , and Clint has to laugh again.

Clint puts on James’ dog tags and says, _I might just take you to the Netherlands and marry you there,_ and James laughs.

Making his way back to work with the rising sun blinding him in the rearview mirror his mind is racing again, only this time he’s planning, assessing, and he feels hopeful for the future for the first time in ages.


End file.
